Christmas is approaching, the goose is really starting to stack on a bit of timber, and rock fans up and down the nation are wondering what the hell Santa’s going to deliver when December 25th rolls around. Because no one wants a repeat of last year, right?
To make sure that the world's music fans get the prezzies they deserve this year, we’ve combed the Internet to find the best gift ideas for the rock fans in your life.
If you’re a fan, you can point the people buying your presents at this page. And if you’re doing the buying, look no further. We have you covered.
Merry bleedin’ Christmas.
Launched amid much feverish excitement last year (Brian May even made an unboxing video), and no doubt made all the more desirable by the Bohemian Rhapsody fever currently sweeping the globe, the Queen version of Monopoly replaces the familiar tokens with Queen-related paraphernalia (a bicycle, a radio, a hammer, the robot from the cover of News Of The World, the vacuum cleaner from the I Want To Break Free video, and a tiny replica of May’s Red Special guitar). Instead of journeying from Old Kent Road to Mayfair, players plot a route from Imperial College to the world’s great venues, along the way suffering all the slings and arrows of an outrageous career in rock.
When Axl & Co fought their way into public consciousness from the mean streets of Los Angeles in the mid 1980s, one can only imagine that this was the end-game they had in mind: a reformation of sorts, a money-spinning world tour, and a holiday sweater featuring the band’s familiar logo with the revolvers replaced by candy canes and the roses with mistletoe. You know where you are? You’re in the jungle baby, you gonna have a lovely time! Try the turkey! It’s delicious! The stuffing is great!View Deal
While we're on novelty band holiday jumpers, Papa Roach have been no slouches this year, either. 'Cut my life into pizzas,' it says. 'This is my plastic fork.' There's pentagrams. There's pizzas. It's knitted. Just shut up and take our money already.
A slimline wallet adorned with the album artwork from Metallica's '84 masterpiece, this little beauty allows you to flash the cash and look extremely cool while doing so.
Subtle and tasteful but still metal as fuck, this is the perfect gift for the discerning Slipknot fan with places to go, people to see, high-powered deals to broker and business to take care of. View Deal
Yep. The perfect stocking filler, selected Classic Rock and Metal Hammer t-shirts are now only £5. Get 'em before they're all gone. View Deal
The manufacturers describe this tipple as having “hoppy citrus and blackcurrant flavours delivering a crisp, refreshing, superior taste to celebrate the spirit of the song and those who inspired it.” Now, we like to think that if this beer had truly been inspired by Motorhead’s roadies it’d taste of sweat, superglue and cheap speed, but the Snaggletooth logo on the label means we don’t really care about the flavour. It’s just enough to know that it’s gonna look great in the fridge.View Deal
And while we're talking about Road Crew...
The only thing cooler than drinking Motorhead beer is drinking it from your own, personalised Motorhead pint glass. This glass can be engraved with a message up to 25 letters long, includes a bottle of Road Crew and comes in a fetching tin tube gift box. There could be nothing more Christmassy.View Deal
If beer ain't your bag, then try a wee nip of this far more sophisticated tipple instead. It's what Lemmy would've wanted.View Deal
Okay, last bit of Motorhead merch here, we promise. Should you be laden down with any of the fine beverages documented above, you're going to need an appropriate piece of kit to help you get stuck into them. Look no further than the Warpig bottle opener. You're welcome.View Deal
You’ll need somewhere to store all that beer, right? This mini-fridge will keep your bottles cool while demonstrating to visitors that you’re clearly a rock fan of impeccable taste and obvious humour. After all, this is the only fridge you’ll ever own that has a volume knob that goes up to 11. It really does. We are not making this up.View Deal
Emblazoned with the iconic face of Milo illustration, these sliders are the must-have gift for the punk rock fan with a penchant for leisure wear. View Deal
The Vault contains a 160-page book of previously unseen photos, a Gene Simmons figurine, a specially minted commemorative coin, an animatronic tongue with flashing LEDs, two fluid ounces of sweat collected from Gene’s boots after a show, and some spectacular indoor fireworks (disclaimer: none of those last three are true). And for just $2000, Gene will hand over your Vault in person at a “once-in-a-lifetime” event near you.View Deal
Or, to give it its full title, Epic Guitarist and The Mind Behind Deep Purple an English Soloist Inspired Adult Coloring Book (Coloring Book for Adults). Yes, it’s an actual thing that someone’s made and is now available to buy on the internet. For adults. And it’s your chance to colour the Man In Black red, or orange, or green, or indeed any other colours of the rainbow, across 36-epoch defining pages.View Deal
While this might look like the kind of thing Tintin might stumble across while on the trail of lost Inca treasures, it’s actually officially licensed by West London’s most successful blues outfit. Remarkably, the man behind the brand is comedian Dan Akroyd, who describes the package as “the ultimate gift package for Stones fans and their families.” Wikipedia tells us that the drink is “quadruple-distilled and seven times filtered, with the final three filtrations through Herkimer diamond crystals,” and while we’ve absolutely no idea what any of that that means, we presume it’s why Keith Richards is so fond of the stuff.View Deal
For a band whose career has been defined almost as much by their merchandise as it has been by their recorded output, it’s only natural that Iron Maiden should produce a 1:144 facsimilie of the 747 that ferried them around the globe during the Book Of Souls tour. View Deal
Take a pleasant trip under the sea to an octopus’s garden ‘neath the waves in this LEGO® recreation of The Beatles’ iconic Yellow Submarine. It’s “ideal for role-play”, say the manufacturers, who clearly aren’t familiar with the Motorhead range of sex toys. Includes an authentic cockpit.View Deal
A pair of these devilish Slayer pants might just be the perfect stocking-filler for the metalhead in your life. Made with a 'feather-seam construction' and to a modern fit, their subtle 'worn under the clothes' nature means you can wear them to work and still feel like the metalhead you know you are underneath. That's right, fuck the man!
Fact: Wear these, and your feet will look better than other people’s feet.
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There’s no hangover, just a lifetime’s worth of reading from some of rock’s best writers. You’ll also get all the cover CDs, and that sense of satisfaction that only comes from actively supporting the music we all love. You can also subscribe digitally, and have new issues delivered to your iOS device.View Deal