Here are the most disgustingly ugly Christmas jumpers you can bag in EMP's Cyber Monday deal - if you have the guts to wear them in public

The biggest heavy metal band of all time go back to their roots with this lovingly festive homage to the original title of their classic debut album, Kill Em All. At least the original dagger is replaced by a candy cane.

Nothing says 'festive' like the ghastly visage of that wheezing nut job who likes choking people out for a laugh. Whack this on, tie a load of pig in blankets together in a makeshift lightsaber and start swinging.

Quite frankly, the original asking price of 80 quid for this visual abomination is outrageous, but thankfully it's been discounted by over a third to something a little more reasonable. Plus, it can be shredded as used as police tape for Halloween once you're bored of it. Everyone wins!

Wear this jumper three times and an otherworldly ghoul will appear, take one look at you, laugh at you for wearing something so heinous and leave again. Or, more likely, you just won't be invited over to Auntie Kate's for Boxing Day again after making little Cousin Johnny cry.

I don't even watch One Piece but I had to include this in the list because...I mean...just look at it! It looks like something you'd buy from a stall at 4am in a dark corner of Glastonbury Festival. A true, year-round ugger of a sweater.

This is actually packing one of the bigger discounts of EMP's whole Christmas jumper range, with a whole quarter knocked off the original price. Truly, wearing this will make you the Master Of Christmas. Or just that big clammier while tucking into your seventh mince pie of the day. You swine.

If your main goal this Christmas is to traumatise your least favourite relative at the dinner table, make sure you grab one of these bad boys courtesy of everyone's favourite purveyors of werewolf-inspired Eurp power metal, Powerwolf!

What could possibly say "Merry Christmas!" more merrily than a camo jumper decorated with a gas mask, knives and skulls? Nothing, that's what! You can thank war-obsessed Swedish power metal megaweights Sabaton for this one.

I don't even know where to start with this one. The dreary green in the middle? The garish red just under it? The rings casually plonked on there to look like Sonic The Hedgehog just got slapped? Actually, I think it might be the retina-searing orange and red text plastered over it. All in all, a disaster. Perfect.

The only explanation I can find for this is that Volbeat asked someone to design a football kit, decided they didn't like the results and decided to shunt it out as a Christmas jumper instead. There is not a single sniff of festive joy here. It's grey and black lines, for Christ's sake. I'll have two.