Bring Me The Horizon have got a new song out. Like everything they’ve released post-There Is A Hell, it’s split opinion all over the shop. And rightly so. Meandering down the synthy, EDM trail they hinted at through Sempiternal, Throne will be seen as a stroke of genius by some and an abhorrent shit-stain by others. Whatever you make of the track, it’s accompanied by a ludicrous video that’ll have your retina stapled to the computer screen for the next week – it doesn’t make a terrible lot of sense to us, but here’s a breakdown of the most bonkers moments.
0:08 The umbrellas were one thing, but getting a shark tattooed across your face? That’s a bit much, Jordan. You silly goose. We’re assuming this is a throwaway reference to Bring Me’s deathcore-pocked debut, Count Your Blessings. Although we’re not really sure why – Bring Me of yore and Bring Me 2015 have about as much in common as a panther does with a cabbage.
0:19 She bought this at the five-and-dime. It’s not as romantic as Bryan Adams would have you believe.
0:25 A-ha! A throne! Nothing gets past us.
0:53 Oli Sykes releases his bowels – quite forcefully. He doesn’t even need to sing this bit. Remember when they played Reading and Leeds two years ago, opened with Shadow Moses, and had the crowd singing along like it was an Iron Maiden show? This. This all over. Bring Me are going to give Metallica a kick in the arse when they let this rip at the dual festivals next month.
1:00 Lady Gaga clutching at straws to stay relevant? Nah, it’s just a little kid with some flowers on his head. Bet he’s going to end up on the throne at the end.
1:13 Called it.
1:15 “You came to the wrong forest, motherfucker.” There was also a guy pulling wicked ninja moves and someone we’re sure has come straight from the Warhammer: Ogre Kingdoms handbook.
1:41 “YOU FOOL. THIS ISN’T EVEN MY FINAL FORM.”
2:11 Regardless of your thoughts on the track thus far… this video’s ridiculous, right? It’s like Plague Doctors have invaded Tatooine and trapped Jar Jar in a coffin while he’s still alive. Hope they leave him to the Banthas.
2:46 We were trying to find some sort of link threading through this, but we’re duped. No idea what’s happening here. Not got a Scooby. Sorry.
2:54 “Tomorrow I will come back, leader of the whole pack.” You may harbour uneasy feelings – those saved solely for mobile phone merchants who promise you it’s “five times faster” – towards Bring Me for heading down this route. Ultimately, though, they’ve evolved. They’ve always been one step ahead and, given the immense popularity they’ve been afforded over the past few years, it may be time for the elder statesmen to pass the torch (GET IT?!) down to this lot. Or maybe a terrible backlash will ensue and they’ll end up supporting some randoms at a pub in Grimsby. Only time will tell. Now what about these sodding umbrellas, lads?
Bring Me The Horizon’s fifth album That’s The Spirit, will be released on September 11.