Hail Santa!

Starting to panic about buying presents? Look, you could always get socks for everyone. Job done. Now sit back and enjoy these Christmas crackers…

All Time Low - Fool’s Holiday

Ouch. Sounds like Alex Gaskarth is taking a long hot bath of remorse on this festive offering. Let’s hope Santa takes pity on him come December 25.

August Burns Red – Frosty The Snowman

August Burns Red love Christmas songs so much, they released an entire album of the damn things in 2012. One of Sleddin’ Hill’s highlights is this cover of Jack Rollins and Steve Nelson’s Frosty The Snowman – a song about a snow sculpture which comes to life, runs amok through a small town then melts to death in front of a group of children. Merry Christmas.

Far – Do They Know It’s Christmas?

Sacramento post-hardcore quartet Far were joined by Deftones’ Chino Moreno and Will Haven’s Grady Avenell for a cover of Band Aid’s 1984 Christmas Number One. The song featured on the 1997 compilation album, The Bands That Stole Christmas. We wonder if they played rock, paper, scissors to see who got to do Bono’s limelight hogging bit.

Corey Taylor – X-M@$

The Slipknot frontman released a charity single in 2010 and raised almost £10,000 for the Teenage Cancer Trust. Try singing this song at the top of your lungs while Christmas shopping and see how quickly you’re shown the pavement. We give you until the end of the chorus.

Issues – Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday

What’s that? A rock band have recorded a cover of N-Sync’s cloying Yuletide song? What’s that warm feeling in our chest? Is that… is that the magic of Christmas? We hope so. Could be heartburn, though.

Fall Out Boy - Yule Shoot Your Eye Out

You’d think a Fall Out Boy Christmas song would be full to the brim with eggnog-fuelled cheer. Then we paid close attention to the lyrics and man, they’re really bleak. This is what happens when you send Patrick Stump a postal order instead of a proper present.

King Diamond – No Presents For Christmas

The Danish screecher may have scared the life out of us with his 1987 album Abigail, but this song represents the most truly horrifying prospect of the year. No presents. Shudder.

My Chemical Romance – All I Want For Christmas Is You

That’s nice. Saves on forking out some hard-earned cash too. Result.

Blink-182 - I Won’t Be Home For Christmas

This is a song about someone losing the plot after a group of Christmas carol singers arrive on his doorstep. “I guess it’s not cool to freak on Christmas Eve, ‘cause the cops came and arrested me,” they sing. Something to think about when you hear an atonal choir this holiday season.

Smashing Pumpkins – Christmastime

After all the festive cynicism and songs of Yuletide violence, just let Billy Corgan’s unique voice wrap itself around you like a hot blanket as you prepare to deal with the stress of packed shops and Christmas party hangovers. Thanks Billy.

Simon Young

Born in 1976 in Newcastle-upon-Tyne, Simon Young has been a music journalist for over twenty years. His fanzine, Hit A Guy With Glasses, enjoyed a one-issue run before he secured a job at Kerrang! in 1999. His writing has also appeared in Classic RockMetal HammerProg, and Planet Rock. His first book, So Much For The 30 Year Plan: Therapy? — The Authorised Biography is available via Jawbone Press.