Microsoft have created CaptionBot, a bot which has been designed to caption photos automatically.
The premise is simple. You upload a photo into the CaptionBot website and it will attempt to describe what’s happening in the picture.
“I can understand the content of any image and I’ll try to describe it as well as any human,” it says. We’ll see, CaptionBot, we’ll see.
Seeing as it’s Microsoft, we’re guessing Bill Gates’ new AI experiment has been beta-tested to buggery. Let’s try things out with a photo of one of the world’s biggest bands standing awkwardly next to a shark-shaped curveball.
Fairly impressive. We weren’t expecting CaptionBot to name one of the members of Metallica. But no mention of the fella in the San Jose Sharks outfit. Or is it Kirk?
Next up, let’s give CaptionBot a photo of one of the most famous couples in rock, Kurt and Courtney.
Well, it guessed Courtney correctly. But no mention of Kurt. And where the fuck is her phone? She’s clearly in the middle of a high-five. Bad CaptionBot.
Now, only an idiot would fail to notice Gene Simmons in his full Kiss outfit.
For fuck’s sake, CaptionBot. Have you been drinking? That’s Gene Simmons and there’s no motorcycle to be seen.
It’s time to claw back some credibility. We’ll give you a clue. It’s Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, with his big, gap-toothed grin. Who is it again?
Oh, CaptionBot. Flea looks nothing like the fella from Clockwork Orange, you virtual bastard. Mind you, the beanie might be confusing to a computer.
Next one is fairly straightforward. They’re from Japan and have been all over TeamRock in recent months. They are…
That’s Babymetal. But to be fair, they are something of an anomaly in the rock world.
Come on, the next one is easy.
We’re impressed. Well done, CaptionBot. That is indeed Ozzy on the cover of his Diary Of A Madman album cover. Not quite a stage or a trick, but we’ll let it slide.
You should get the next one. We know you’re a Slipknot fan.
Come on, mate. You’re not even trying. You can recognise a cat but not Corey Taylor in full-on smooch mode? Unbelievable.
If you don’t get the next one, that’s it. We’re done.
Well done. You got an easy one. Joan Jett minus her Blackhearts.
The next photo features three punk millionaires. Everyone has heard of them. They are…
Excellent. That’s Billie Joe Armstrong and his band The Et Als. We’re surprised Tré Cool isn’t pulling one of his purposefully gormless faces. Maybe he’s tired of you getting these wrong, CaptionBot.
Next up, some metal legends. Easy and peasy.
There’s two men, for fuck’s sake, CaptionBot. Is it the hair? Has an old man programmed you or something? At the time of writing, Judas Priest has been made up of men from the very beginning.
Here’s Iron Maiden on stage with their faithful mascot. If you can’t answer this correctly from that, then… well, I don’t know what to think anymore.
Next one is so easy. You can do this.
He’s only making that face because you’re so far off the mark. That’s AC/DC’s Angus Young wearing a black cap. Is everything OK?
Let’s throw in a ridiculous photo for the grand finale.
The late, great GWAR frontman Oderus Urungus (aka Dave Brockie) was neither a cake or a clock, so we’ve no idea what you’ve been getting for your birthday.
Those worried about the planet being taken over by self-aware computers shouldn’t be worried – we’ve got a few years yet before things start getting really interesting. In the meantime, why not stockpile your cupboards with canned goods, just in case…