There's a Seinfeld-themed metal band


Yes, that's right, there's a Seinfeld-themed metal band.

Like Okilly Dokilly before them, this sitcom-loving trio have harnessed the power of iconic comedy television and turned it into something altogether more heavy and destructive.

The band are named Grindfeld (see what they did there?) and feature ex and current members of Wretched, Rivers Of Nihil and Alterbeast.

According to the band's Bandcamp page, Grindfeld was "born out of a mutual love of death metal, comical observations, coffee and hardcore," and the project itself is "built on the existential dread hidden just under the surface of daily life."

The band's debut EP 5 Songs About Nothing is released November 23, but you can listen to opening track The Contest now.

Each song on the record is a synopsis of a different episode, it just sounds much less pleasant.

Here are Grindfeld's lyrics to The Contest (aka the wanking episode). It's not quite a comedy script.

A fucking hostage, chained to the floor

Hours, days, months, years
Keep it clean, strip nude

It happened, she caught me at my weakest, I was alone

Temptation over takes as I treat my body like an amusement park
Dreams of pleasure, Screams in horror

Save her or save myself
I zipped up
Break your back and sense of pride
I’m sick as fuck

Because it’s there

Vow of celibacy
A friendly wager
I know I’m better than you

You’ll be out before we get the check

Honour the code
Sick in the head
You need help. 

Virgin temptation

Enemy across the way who caved
Easiest money In my whole life


Temptation erodes
Be careful she’ll get you next
I’ve got nothing better to do at 3pm than think about sex

Temptation abound
He’s practically royalty
It’s the wait that kills me

I can only take so much

Sleepless nights
Desire consuming
Driven insane by a stupid game
Honour the code
Master of my domain

The queen is dead

You’re sick
I don’t want to hear another word horrible people

Get the fuck out of my life
How the hell do you sleep at night?

How the hell do you sleep at night?

Luke Morton joined Metal Hammer as Online Editor in 2014, having previously worked as News Editor at popular (but now sadly defunct) alternative lifestyle magazine, Front. As well as helming the Metal Hammer website for the four years that followed, Luke also helped relaunch the Metal Hammer podcast in early 2018, producing, scripting and presenting the relaunched show during its early days. He also wrote regular features for the magazine, including a 2018 cover feature for his very favourite band in the world, Slipknot, discussing their turbulent 2008 album, All Hope Is Gone.