"If you squeeze my lizard, I'll put my snake on you," Lemmy once sang. Not entirely sure what he meant by that, but it's Lemmy, and he's God, so he can sing whatever he damn well pleases. Beyond the world of tangential penis references, here's seven lizard songs to bring out the beast in you on World Lizard Day.
The Dillinger Escape Plan - Milk Lizard (Ire Works, 2007)
We’re pretty sure that Greg Puciato isn’t actually singing about, y’know, a real lizard - we’re thinking that this is what our English teachers taught us was a ‘metaphor’ - but with memorably twisted lyrics - (”My thick tongue hangs down low to the ground / Licking up the sweat coming off of her heels / She wants my teeth to wear…“) and one of TDEP’s finest-ever choruses, there was no way we’re excluding this based on something as stupid as facts.
Aerosmith - Lizard Love (Rugrats Go Wild OST, 2003)
An out-take from the ‘Smiff’s Get A Grip album sessions, Lizard Love sneaked out on the soundtrack to hugely irritating kids movie Rugrats Go Wild. The fact that it’s impossible to track down a full version of the video on YouTube suggests that Messrs Tyler and Perry might not consider this one of their greatest contributions to the world of popular song. Just saying… And ‘wacky’ TV presenters Candace and Brent can fucking do one…
ZZ Top - Lizard Life (Antenna, 1994)
Sounding rather suspiciously like a re-write of Legs, this cut from the Texan trio’s 1994 Antenna album, sees Billy Gibbons and co singing about the joys of er, lizard life. “I prefer reclinin’ / Beatin’ that conga drum / And waitin’ for a three point landin’ / On my sticky tongue.” I think we can all relate to that in our own way, can’t we?
Dead Milkmen - Big Lizard (Big Lizard In My Backyard, 1985)
No messing around with metaphors here: Philadelphia’s Dead Milkmen have a big lizard in their backyard, and the creature has grown so large than they can no longer afford to feed it. That could happen, right?
King Crimson Lizard (Lizard, 1970)
And now for something rather different. King Crimson’s third album saw the English progressive rock superstars embark upon their own jazz odyssey, to a mixed critical reception. Curiously, KC mainman Robert Fripp is one of the album’s biggest critics, describing it as “unlistenable.”
“I am unable to recommend that anyone part with their hard-earned pay for this one, unless they want to take it to parties and play it at unwelcome guests,” said Fripp in 1999. “There are some ‘Lizard’ lovers, I know. They must be very strange.”
Saigon Kick - The Lizard (The Lizard, 1992)
Official rock history will tell us that Saigon Kick were one of those big-haired US metal bands who were blown out of the water by the arrival of Nirvana and their grunge peers, but such a reductionist view doesn’t really tell the true story. The title track of the Florida quartet’s second album certainly has a heavier and darker vibe than the candy-floss pop-metal of many of their peers. Whatever, they’re still around and Nirvana aren’t, so who’s laughing now?
Thee Michelle Gun Elephant - Lizard (Cult Grass Stars, 1996)
In all honesty, we’re not entirely sure whether or not this excellent Japanese garage rock group are singing about lizards or not here, such is our limited knowledge of the Japanese language, but their fuzzy, groovy rumble is marvellously infectious, so we’re going to take them at face value.