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Billingham, Quantick, Sherez, Waites: Great Lost Albums

A tongue-in-cheek look at masterpieces that never were.

It’s a loss to the progressive community that Kraftwerk never really released Trans-Polar Express, their sober concept album about Christmas.

But then, at least Music For Horses, Brian Eno’s ambient tribute to the animal he hates, got a five-star review in both Sounds and Horse And Hound, a feat not achieved by Rick Wakeman’s long-lost opus Myths And Legends Of The Economic Benefits Of Britain’s Entry Into The European Union – On Ice. These and many more completely fabricated albums are unearthed in this frequently hilarious, affectionately withering collection of essays by crime writers/music fans Mark Billingham, Stav Sherez and Martyn Waites (aka Tania Carver), and curated by seasoned music journalist David Quantick. There are 50 records here – from Bob Dylan and Liberace’s hook-up Las Vegas Skyline, to Rod Stewart’s Always A Dull Moment via Coldplay’s The Ikea Sessions (beautifully hoisted with their own petard here). As for Dodecahedron, the all-star project featuring members of Genesis, Yes, Pink Floyd, ELP and Cuthbert, Dibble And Grub, well, we’d happily sit through all 14 hours 21 minutes and seven seconds of that one, wouldn’t we?