As tributes pour in for the late, great Ozzy Osbourne, who died at the age of 76 earlier this week, it’s a reminder of just how greatly the Prince Of Darkness permeated pop-culture. Not just legendary for his pioneering work in Black Sabbath and as a solo artist, Ozzy was also a mythical figure in the mainstream, beloved for his unhinged antics and unfiltered mouth. As well as on MTV, he was a regular in blockbuster movies, TV shows and even the odd video game.
Many of Ozzy’s cameos have become rightfully iconic (Little Nicky, anyone?), but there’s one that I’d argue hasn’t been talked about anywhere near enough, and it may well be his funniest hour ever.
In October 2001, not long after the tragic and terrifying World Trade Center attacks, late-night franchise Late Night With Conan O’Brien broadcast a skit that started with Conan addressing his staff, eager to dispel their fears and tensions and introduce some much-needed levity. Naturally, who better for that than the godfather of heavy metal?
Ozzy instantly gets to work lifting the office’s spirits, starting by handing out coffee and baked goods to Conan’s team. Things start to go haywire when the vocalist sits down with Tracy, one of Late Night’s producers, who just so happens to keep a dove in the corner of her office. Ozzy can’t help but exchange wide-eyed glances with the caged bird, no doubt experiencing flashbacks to a certain record label meeting in 1981, and has to be escorted away as he mindlessly reaches towards it.
Things, somehow, veer even further off the rails from there. Next, Ozzy meets stressed-out staffer Peter, who gets assured that the Prince Of Darkness does “really good neckrubs”. He then proves himself completely wrong by wrapping his entire arm around the guy and accidentally choking him out. He repositions, which is great, but decides the next best thing to do is just wrap his palm around poor Peter’s throat.
Later, Ozzy’s distracted by a photo of Dolly Parton hanging up on the wall. “That’s what Ozzy Osbourne fears more than anything else: Dolly Parton,” Conan jokes, but Ozzy quickly corrects him. “No, Barry Manilow’s my biggest fear,” he admits. “I think he’s the antichrist.”
Another staffer, sat at his desk, proceeds to mystify Ozzy with his half-eaten lunch. “It’s a quesadilla – you want some?” he asks, after which the singer says, “No, thank you,” and recoils as if in genuine horror.
Still, Ozzy helps out by answering the phone for the chap, with the caller asking to be sung to once they realise who’s picked up the receiver. Ozzy gets halfway the opening verse of his biggest solo hit, Crazy Train, before staring blankly at Conan and admitting he’s forgotten the rest. A musician collaboration with Conan right after, where the pair sing Puff The Magic Dragon together, ends in similarly hilarious disarray.
The skit ends with Conan offering Ozzy a bag of goodies to thank him for all his help. The bundle includes a cap and a pink t-shirt, the latter of which gets the king of heavy fucking metal to yell the word “pink!” with a level of glee that most people will never know. A stuffed version of TV network NBC’s peacock mascot, unsurprisingly, gets decapitated within seconds of it coming out.
In this writer’s humble opinion, Ozzy’s Conan cameo was one of the funniest moments in a career strewn with hilarious, iconic highlights. It’s a testament to how much Conan loves and understands metal that he was able to pull the best out of his guest. Plus, Ozzy seemed to enjoy his time there as much as everyone else did, given he returned for sitdown interviews with Conan in 2005 and 2016, despite once saying how much he doesn’t like doing talk shows.
Hopefully, as people revisit Ozzy’s classic songs and appearances in the wake of his death, this six-minute stretch of gold gets the attention it deserves.
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