Draw Me An Elephant: Chris Jericho

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We caught up with the Ayatollah Of Rock And Rolla, Y2J himself Chris Jericho, to talk about Stephen King, living as a woman and the Moon landings. Here's what happened...

What is your favourite smell?

“A steak when it’s cooking, I love the smell of that. And when I’m drinking I love the smell of straight Grey Goose vodka. The smell of a baby is cool as well, there’s always a distinct smell of a baby,”

Do you have any phobias?

“I don’t like spiders. Big ones, small ones and everything in between, they freak me out. I’m not a big supporter of those. I don’t runaway screaming but I really don’t like them. Other than that I’m pretty cool phobia-wise. So far.”

If you were king for the day, what rules would you impose?

“I would want to see if you could actually go to the Moon because I don’t think you can. I think the whole Moon landing was a big conspiracy because if it was real then we’d be on there right now. There would be a Starbucks on the Moon. So I’d like to find out mysteries – is the Loch Ness Monster real? I wanna know more about UFOs, more about Bigfoot… I want to get to the bottom of all the supernatural things people say they’ve seen. There’s some chicanery going on round there and some lies being told by the people in charge – I’m a big conspiracy theorist.”

What is your favourite TV show?

“Breaking Bad was the last one I saw that was incredibly amazing – I loved it. I also really dig Fargo that stars Martin Freeman who’s British but he’s playing a guy from northern Minnesota and he’s so good at it I try to hear his English accent but I can’t. It’s a really cool, creepy, twisted, fucked up show. It’s based on the movie Fargo but only in tone, not the characters. It’s really cool.”

What is your favourite book?

“I’m reading a book at the minute called 11/22/63 by Stephen King. It’s about a guy who goes back in time to stop the Kennedy assassination. Most Stephen King books I’m really into – he wrote a book called Doctor Sleep that was great, buy my favourite is The Stand. It’s like 1200 pages long and the detail is amazing. It’s a cool story about a disease that wipes out 90% of the world and the other 10% have to figure out how to restart society and survive.”

Have you ever had a supernatural experience?

“I was driving home from my friend’s house once out in the country and I got home about three hours later and have no idea where that time went. I didn’t pass out or anything like that. So either I had some weird mind screw-up or I was abducted by an alien. I’m not sure which it is.”

If you could live as anyone else for the day, who would it be?

“It would be interesting live as Mick Jagger or Paul McCartney – the most recognisable, most famous people in the world. And it would be interesting to be a really hot chick with really big boobs just to see if it’s weird to be ogled visually every single second. When people recognise me but don’t say anything they just stare, it’s so obvious but they think they’re being subtle.”

What has been your most embarrassing moment?

“A couple of years ago we were playing in Brighton and throughout the whole show these two girls in the front were pointing at me and giggling. But they were pointing at my genatalia… I look down about halfway through the show and realise my fly was down. That’s why they were laughing. I had to stop the show and zip up – that’s why Dave Lee Roth and Paul Stanley used to wear spandex.”

What is your party trick/secret talent?

“I can tie the stem of a cherry in a knot just by using my tongue. Sometimes I can do two knots if I have a long enough stem. The girls like it.”

What band epitomises metal?

“Metallica and Black Sabbath – it just depends which generation you are. For me it will always be Metallica… and Maiden. Metallica and Maiden are still very relevant to this day and are still breaking ground.”

Draw me an elephant.