Fuck It All: In Celebration Of Sweary Metal

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Do you know what we love? Swearing. We’re all for a well placed ‘fuck’ every now and again. And this got us thinking: what songs would really make our mums blush were they to exude from the radio? While this is by no means a definitive list, we thought we’d bring you a smattering of ‘fucks’, ‘shits’ and ‘the C word’ from various purveyors of profanity. This is obviously not safe for work.

Frankenstein Drag Queens From Planet 13 – I Love To Say Fuck

Kicking things off, we have Wednesday 13 and his drag queens telling us how much he loves to say the F word. The bloke is known for his potty mouth (see Mr. Motherfucker, Let’s Fuck and Motherfucker, I Don’t Care for confirmation) but I Love To Say Fuck nakedly exposes his undying allegiance to fuck – he says it while he’s driving his car, while he’s walking in the park and, most importantly, this is an exercise he repeats daily. Such is the longevity of fuck, the song has been re-recorded by both Murderdolls and Wednesday’s solo outfit in ensuing years.

Strapping Young Lad – You Suck

Now known mainly for manning an intergalactic sock puppet and writing some of the most immersive, downright sublime music on the planet, Devin Townsend was once a very angry young man. While 1997’s City is unquestionably the benchmark when it comes to Strapping Young Lad, the band’s swansong – The New Black – remains an untouchable work of art, not least for its unique blend of rage and humour. Take You Suck, for example: girlfriends, bands and YOU are accused of fucking sucking, you fucking fucks. Never has white-hot rage been so brilliantly goofy.

Anti-Nowhere League – So What

Brought to mainstream consciousness when Metallica covered it, this is either the most entertaining yarn ever spun or the harrowing confessional of a sick man. Aside from the joyous refrain of “So what? So what? So what, so what, you boring little cunt!”, this caustic punk anthem excels through Nick ‘Animal’ Culmer’s lewd, kinda horrific narrative – beastiality, paedophilia, STIs, drug-taking and sucking an old man’s willy all bleed into a missive that William S. Burroughs would definitely retweet were he still with us.

Cradle Of Filth – Gilded Cunt

Quality is just as important as quantity, so next is something supposedly more highbrow. Vocalist Dani Filth is renowned for weaving elaborate concepts through his albums – Elizabeth Bathory, Gilles de Rais and Lilith have all been subject to his razor tongue – so, naturally, thoughts on the Nymphetamine album differ. While many fans believe its opening track, Gilded Cunt, to be a savage attack on the Pope and/or God, they’re digging a tad too deep. Turns out the song’s just about a gold-digging dominatrix, and according to Dani: “There was nothing quite as gratifying as screaming the word ‘cunt’ at the top of one’s lungs”. Lovely stuff.

Korn – K@#ø%!

And now we come to Korn. Everyone knows Korn; Freak On A Leash, Got The Life and Blind are all staples in any healthy metal diet and they’re one of the few gateway bands that still retain credibility with the ‘2 Kvlt 4 U’ crew. Not only is the music hard-hitting and savage, but a kid was actually suspended from school for wearing the band’s t-shirt. It might have had something to do with the lyrics ‘Cunt tit barf piss balls ass pecker queef, oh, shit fucked bitch damn fucking diarrhoea slut with dicks’, but that’s just speculation.

GG Allin & The Murder Junkies – Cunt Sucking Cannibal

GG’s Allin is different things to different people: junkie, misogynist, racist, drunkard, punk as fuck and a putrid poet. The man’s ethics, sanity and musical talent aren’t exactly those of an ideal role model, but this hummable ode to toothless cannibals is nonetheless one to shock your grandma with. We’re still unsure how a cannibal can sustain a healthy, cannibalistic lifestyle without any teeth, though.

Limp Bizkit – Hot Dog

The Bizkit have never been ones for subtlety (no, the Behind Blue Eyes cover does not count!) and Hot Dog sees Fred Durst on fine fuck-spitting form. Amassing forty-six F bombs in just over two minutes and delivering another couple before the song ends, Durst tackles multiple issues and answers the questions we need to know: injustice, social taboos and Nine Inch Nails are all lampooned by the man who allegedly stripped naked just because Al Jourgensen told him to.

Anal Cunt – Fuck Yeah!

Anal Cunt’s lyrical output ranges from hilarious to grossly obscene (and mostly still hilarious) but we felt that Fuck Yeah! nestles in comfortably with the subject matter at hand. Abandoning grindcore and churning out parodic cock rock anthems on the Fuckin’ A album, the late Seth Putnam attacks both the lyrical content and musical style with ease, sending up the poofy-haired glam rockers of yore with a tremendous salvo of fuck yeahs. May he rest in pieces.

Dead Kennedys – Too Drunk To Fuck

Scathing political humdrum this is not, but it was the first UK Top 40 single with a tasty F cake in the title – stripping down the layers of social commentary to envision a mental party getting out of hand, Jello Biafra’s warbled delivery makes the chorus of this punk gem even more perverse than at first glance. While the most vile entry into the singles chart belongs to Kunt And The GangUse My Arsehole As A Cunt and Fucksticks climbed to #66 and #63 respectively – Too Drunk To Fuck arguably paved the way for mass consumption of utter filth.

Slipknot – Surfacing

Slipknot’s iconic calling card is one of the purest, unbridled downpours of rage ever committed to tape. Sure, it’s not weighed down with the sheer volume of fucks present in other songs featured here, but, ultimately, it’s not about that. This band avoided just about every mainstream stepping stone and came out on top, infecting a generation of kids and playing this song to sold-out arenas every night. If that’s not a fucking victory then we don’t know what is.