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Draw Me An Elephant: Raging Speedhorn

The latest in our continuing quest to have all rockstars on the planet draw an elephant, we caught up with Raging Speedhorn's Gordon Morison to talk Harry Potter, living with ghosts and accidentally having another man's genitals in your mouth.

What is your favourite smell?

“I’m vegetarian so it’d be Quorn bacon. That’s sad but it is the best smell in the world to me. I haven’t eaten real bacon in years but to me it tastes and smells like bacon so it’s amazing. I love it.”

Do you have any phobias?

“I am shit-scared of spiders, I’ve always been petrified of them. I think it’s from my dad winding me up when I was younger. I can handle the tiny ones but I can’t even look at the fucking huge things. I was in the garden the other day and one flew out and I was like ‘What the fuck is that?!’ and wouldn’t go back in the garden. My wife had to get rid of it for me.”

If you were King for the day, what rules would you impose?

“I would impose that Led Zeppelin would have to do another show because last time I couldn’t get a ticket and it made me really sad. I’d also stop everyone eating meat for a week –stop killing cows because they’re my favourite animal. The other day I was in the van with the guys and they all had kebab meat and that is the only smell that makes me want to eat meat again. It’s that thing when you’re really pissed and you really want a kebab – but I can’t have one now! The other week I went into the kebab shop and I asked for falafel but he gave me chicken the bastard.”

Have you got a secret talent or party trick?

“I wish I had a secret talent. I’m quite good at FIFA, although Chris from Funeral For A Friend would tell me I’m not. Last year I was on tour with them for a year and he beat me for the whole year but one day I beat him and I was so happy, but it turned out he let me win. Everyone else I can beat bar him.”

Have you ever had a supernatural experience?

“I think there’s a ghost in my house. I live in quite an old house and right at the back there’s the bathroom – and there’s no windows except in that room. One evening I went for a piss and this massive gust of wind came from nowhere, I turn round and there’s nothing there at all. Every now and then I see a guy standing near the toilet. It’s an extension so I reckon there’s someone underneath where we’ve built – it’s gotta be something dodgy. It’s probably my imagination but I do believe in it. I can’t watch horror movies because it sticks in my head and freaks me out.”

What is your favourite TV show?

“Only Fools And Horses. When I was younger it was on constantly and the characters are amazing – I love everything about it. I’ve got every DVD, I’ve got a book signed by Boycie. I went into Waterstones and he was in there signing books so I phoned my wife and told her I was going to spend £30 on a book so I could get it signed. I didn’t even say anything to him, he just wrote ‘To Gordon, from Boycie’ and I was so happy.”

If you could live as anyone else for the day, who would it be?

“Jon Bonham or Keith Moon. Probably Keith Moon because he was insane. He was completely off his fucking head and he’s my hero of all heroes. He got to blow up hotel rooms and drive shit into pools. I tried blowing up my drum kit once like he did and it went horribly wrong. We put a firework inside the bass drum and it started flying round then shot off into the crowd in the smallest pub in Kettering. It could have been very bad, but it looked awesome. We used to set fire to the cymbals and stuff and hit there’d be big fireballs when you hit them, but that ended with the singer having third degree burns… it was cool though!”

What is your favourite book?

“The whole of Harry Potter. I’m completely fanatical about Harry Potter. I’d never read any of the books until the first movie came out then I bought them all. But then it got really bad because I couldn’t read the book then go watch the movie ‘cause I’d kick off that certain bits weren’t included. I can’t choose a favourite but Goblet Of Fire is the banger. I’m going to Harry Potter World at Universal this year and I can’t wait! I’m gonna lose my mind and spend so much money. My mum’s told me she’s getting me a broomstick for Christmas ha ha!”

What has been your most embarrassing moment?

“On our last American tour with Nile, Soylent Green, Decapitated and a few others. And we got to Seattle or something and got really fucked up after the show and ended up back on the bus really pissed. Me and Darren started pissing about fighting and the next thing I know is this thing banging me on the back of my head so I turn around and I get a cock in the mouth. It was our merch guy from Sweden and it literally went straight in. I was so fucked I didn’t know what was going on but it was all on camera and everyone was on the floor pissing themselves. I managed to delete the footage ‘cause I didn’t want my parents seeing it on YouTube – although I’ve told ‘em now. And when I woke up in the morning I was so hungover that all I could feel in my mouth was the bellend of the cock. It was rough as shit.”

What band epitomises metal?

“When I was growing up it was probably Pantera. They were around when we were really young and they made me want to be in a band. The bands I really like aren’t even metal bands to be fair. I didn’t like bands that screamed when I was younger which is strange ‘cause now I’m in Raging Speedhorn. But Pantera were the band who didn’t give a fuck and were out to have a good time and that’s what we try to be like but with less money.”

Draw me an elephant.

Raging Speedhorn headline the Jägermeister stage on the Sunday of Sonisphere this weekend. Find out more here.

Luke Morton