It was revealed on Monday that Slipknot’s own Corey Taylor is lending his signature roar to alien warlord the Fisher King in an upcoming episode of Doctor Who. This got the Hammer office thinking, who else could play the role of a baddie in the BBC sci-fi series?
**Eddie and the Doctor have clearly got history. Iron Maiden’s loveable skeletal avatar was seemingly tracking the TARDIS through the time vortex on the Wasted Years cover art, and the battered old police box then appeared on the Somewhere In Time sleeve, where the cybernetically enhanced Eddie was on patrol with a gun. In many ways the ultimate Doctor/Eddie showdown was presaged in the episode The Satan Pit, where the Tenth Doctor came face to face with a Devil that bore a striking similarity to our Ed.
A cool, laconic, slightly unhinged English gentleman, swathed in black, with bucketloads of charisma, a neat little beard, a ready supply of blunt, pithy quips and an abiding fascination with man’s inhumanity to man. If the Master ever becomes a man again and reverts to his original 1971 personality blueprint, who better to portray the Doctor’s ultimate Time Lord nemesis than Lord Ian Kilmister?
Papa Emeritus is already basically the Pope crossed with Davros, and the Nameless Ghouls’ latest shiny art deco masks bear a distinct similarity with Doctor Who’s Robots Of Death, from the 1977 story of the same name. With Meliora the band have effectively devised their own underground godless state – an ideally challenging place for the TARDIS to dematerialise – and the periodic reinvention of Papa and the Ghouls’ appearance also has a suspicious touch of Gallfreyan regeneration technology about it…
**It seems plausible that there’s a 1970s paperback novelisation called Doctor Who And The Metal God waiting to be discovered in some magical charity shop somewhere. On the front cover there’s a Chris Achilleos illustration of this shrieking bullet-headed foe, astride his space-going Harley, wearing his spiky leather techno-coat, his circuits gleaming, accompanied by his angry yellow robot bird The Hellion, who proves more than a match for K-9…
The Smell Of Rain and The Stargate definitely sound like David Tennant episode titles, probably involving the Tenth Doctor finding a strange pointy-nosed goblin elf creature confined to the dark dungeons of a distant war-ravaged planet, who communicates entirely through spooky synth music. Don’t trust him, Doctor! Rose Tyler may think he’s kind of cute and funny, but beneath that playful trollish exterior beats the heart of a ruthless sadistic maniac. After all, He Am The Black Wizards…
Hevy Devy’s imposing countenance and air of cultured derangement make him a dead cert for Doctor Who villaindom, even without his bonkers alien alter ego Ziltoid The Omniscient, the skulletted glove-puppet who launched an attack on Earth after being served bad coffee. One can also imagine Peter Capaldi’s guitar-playing Doctor bugging the Canadian prog metal warlord to put aside his bid for world domination and teach him a few new scales.
**The first Kiss album came out two days after the last episode of Jon Pertwee’s 1974 adventure Invasion Of The Dinosaurs, and one can happily picture the suave dandy Third Doctor pitting his wits against the fire-breathing, bat-winged, blood-slavering Demon. Here truly was a supervillain set to run and run; by the time of Doctor Who’s return in 2005, the mystery for the Ninth Doctor to solve was surely the suspicious replacement of the Spaceman and the Cat by apparent automated clones…
**It’s tempting to wonder if the last letter of the 1989 Sylvester McCoy story The Curse Of Fenric might have been a misprint. The Seventh Doctor described the titular mind-possessing entity as “Evil from the dawn of time,” and Fenric’s return was marked by a swarm of Viking vampire zombies rising from the sea, so no one would be surprised if the madcap Darkthrone drummer wasn’t involved at some level.
**Forming in 1984 – the year Peter Davison regenerated into Colin Baker – here’s a whole mutant race of Antarctica-based freaks for the Doctor to battle, outwit, or perhaps form an uneasy truce with. Although they didn’t release their debut until Sylvester McCoy was the incumbent Time Lord, their colourful ebullience, moral ambivalence and gleeful tastelessness are perhaps best suited to the Sixth Doctor.
The many haters of this quizzical P-pop-cum-tech-death experiment may have noticed that over the last couple of years Su-Metal, Yuimetal and Moametal have behaved a little bit like Doctor Who’s Weeping Angels: if you try to ignore them, they somehow just seem to get closer and more powerful…