Steel Panther’s flirtatious frontman likes nothing better than getting off with girls and getting off his tits. But after a hard day’s partying, he literally watches Netflix and chills…
MY MESSIEST NIGHT OUT INVOLVED THE JACKASS DUDES.
“When Jackass was on MTV, Steve-O and about four others from that show used to come to our show at the Viper Room. We’d pick up chicks and go back to Steve-O’s apartment, and one night we’re all doing blow and hanging out – this was when he partied hard – and he wanted to nail his balls to a piece of wood and film it. So Bam [Margera] is filming and Steve-O hammers this thick nail through his fucking balls into the wood! When you puncture your sack, it’s like getting hit in the head – it bleeds like crazy!”
I’D RATHER GIVE UP DRUGS THAN SEX.
“Because if you fuck a super hot chick and it feels really good, you get high from it. Then if you want to feel that way again, you just fuck her again. You just lay in bed together for a couple days and fuck endlessly and hang out. And I’d still drink alcohol – I just wouldn’t do drugs.”
EVEN AS A SMALL BOY, I KNEW I WANTED TO BE A LEAD SINGER.
“I instinctively knew that I wanted to be the centre of attention. Like, when I went to a birthday party for one of my classmates, I’d get pissed because he was getting all the attention. I learned how to get attention when I got into rock and then I took it to the next level when I got into metal. From the day I came out of my mom’s pussy, all I’ve ever wanted to do is get back into pussy and that’s what metal’s done for me.”
SOME PEOPLE TAKE THEMSELVES SO FUCKING SERIOUSLY.
“People who don’t get the Steel Panther joke have an inability to just let go and let the Panther take them for a ride. If you go and see a magician, you know there’s some stuff that’s not real. There’s no way he can really make a car disappear, so you have to just let go and enjoy the illusion. For us, if you can’t enjoy yourself, then don’t fucking come. The best way to enjoy our show is to come along with some people who already enjoy it and just fucking party and have fun.”
IF I EVER HAD TO LEAVE CALIFORNIA, I’D LIVE IN SAN DIEGO.
“Wait, that’s actually in California… I’d probably move to Cabo [a resort city in Mexico’s Baja California], because I’m really good friends with Sammy Hagar. I met him in a supermarket once. Well, I saw him walk by and I said ‘Hi’ to him but he ignored me. But yeah, I’d move to Cabo. [Sammy Hagar’s restaurant and nightclub] Cabo Wabo’s there and there’s a lot of bitches there and there’s no state tax, so I could live like a fucking king, fuck all the bitches I want and do cocaine on a hundred pesos. Now that’s what I’m talking about!”
I ENJOY GETTING RECOGNISED IN PUBLIC
“A lot of people think I might be Bret Michaels. They’re like, ‘Hey, excuse me, are you Bret Michaels?’ I’m like, ‘No, you fuck!’ But it’s flattery. I can pick up chicks – I have the skills for that – but it’s way easier when somebody knows who I am. So they’ll say, ‘Are you Michael Starr?’ and I’ll say, ‘Fuck yeah, I am!’ And they’ll say, ‘Oh my god, I’m a big fan…’ You know immediately you’ve got a shitload in common because I like myself and she loves me. So that camaraderie will always get a girl laid.”
I LOVE AMERICAN FOOTBALL.
“I’m a Dallas Cowboys fan. But I’m from Chicago so I like the Bears. But I live in LA so we just heard we’re getting the [St Louis] Rams and maybe the [San Diego] Chargers. How big of an upset will it be if the [Denver] Broncos beat the [New England] Patriots? It’ll never happen, though [the Broncos won the next day by two points – Eggball Ed]. Besides football, I also really like to come up with new ideas for pants. This particular style I had created for me is one I like so much that I haven’t changed it in, like, three years.”
THE UK HAS THE CRAZIEST FANS.
“Before we got signed, I thought the US was the shit. Once we got signed, we went over to the UK and it went
off immediately. People were so into the band! At that point I was like, ‘Fuck the US, man! The UK is killing it!’ Right now, the UK holds the dearest spot in my heart because that’s where they spawned Steel Panther’s career. Download  was the first gig when we realised it. We played during the day in some tent and it was packed inside and out!”
WHAT I MISS ABOUT THE 80s IS THE LACK OF SOCIAL MEDIA.
“It was pretty cool to only have a home phone, because you could go missing for days and then be like, ‘Oh sorry, I didn’t check my answering machine because I haven’t been home.’ You could be with a chick and cheat on her and no one would ever find out. Nowadays, you walk into Starbucks and people are fucking streaming you as you walk in. Also, coke was much better then – it was more pure. And crystal meth was different; it gave a different high. The combination of crystal meth and a Quaalude was unbelievable, dude.”
SOMETIMES I HAVE TO TURN OFF MICHAEL STARR.
“He’s a crazy motherfucker and he’s constantly going, all the time – looking for cocaine, looking for bitches, looking to rock… and then when I get home, I turn him off and I shut my mouth and I watch Netflix. Because I can talk forever! I’m not one of those singers who can’t be around people – I enjoy it. It makes me feel good, but after a while I need a break, so I just turn Michael Starr off and chill.”
STEVEN TYLER IS ONE OF MY BIGGEST IDOLS.
“I look up to Steven for technique. He’s way older now and still singing and performingat a high level. I saw Aerosmith when we played with them at Download [in 2010], and those other guys don’t do shit except stand there and think about their pension plans and he’s rockin’! Then there are my contemporaries – some guys who are younger than me but way more successful, like Corey Taylor, for instance. He’s a great singer. And he’s a really cool guy, so it’s nice to be around that level of energy and talent.”
WITH YOUR RIDER, ONLY WRITE DOWN THE SHIT THAT YOU NEED.
“That’d be my best advice for a young, upcoming band. Don’t overdo the rider and whatever’s left over, take it with you. It’s disrespectful to leave that shit behind. Some person’s out there getting all that shit for you and it’s a pain in the ass trying to pick up this certain kind of protein bar and bullshit like that. Then you just leave it there? Fuck that. Take it home, give it to some homeless people, feed it to your friends, be giving!”
LIVE FROM LEXXI’S MOM’S GARAGE IS OUT NOW VIA OPEN E RECORDS.