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School: Zodiac Mindwarp

Do you have rose-tinted memories of school?

I seem to remember there was a lot of violence, bullying and paedophilia.

Were you part of the bullied community?

I stood up to the bullies and looked after the dweebs that were getting bullied. So I bullied the bullies. Which wasn’t really bullying, it was more like Batman or Superman.

_Did you get in trouble a lot, and did you get punished? _

No. I never got caught. I wouldn’t say I was particularly unruly; I had nothing to rebel against really, apart from paedophile teachers.

Are these actual paedophile teachers or dramatic constructs?

It kind of goes with the job, doesn’t it, being a paedo?

Did you do music at school?

The music teacher was a bit strange. He had an orange plimsoll called Sebastian that he used to spank us with. He used to run up, like a horse, and smack you across the arse with this plimsoll.

Being at a boys’ school, was there a girls’ school to command your attention?

Of course there was, across the railway tracks…

Did you ever cross the tracks?

We ‘d look at them from across the tracks. That’s all we’d do.

Classic Rock’s Reviews Editor for the last 19 years, Ian stapled his first fanzine in 1977. Since misspending his youth by way of ‘research’ his work has also appeared in such publications as Metal Hammer, Prog, NME, Uncut, Kerrang!, VOX, The Face, The Guardian, Total Guitar, Guitarist, Electronic Sound, Record Collector and across the internet. Permanently buried under mountains of recorded media, ears ringing from a lifetime of gigs, he enjoys nothing more than recreationally throttling a guitar and following a baptism of punk fire has played in bands for 45 years, releasing recordings via Esoteric Antenna and Cleopatra Records.