School: Zodiac Mindwarp

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Do you have rose-tinted memories of school?

I seem to remember there was a lot of violence, bullying and paedophilia.

Were you part of the bullied community?

I stood up to the bullies and looked after the dweebs that were getting bullied. So I bullied the bullies. Which wasn’t really bullying, it was more like Batman or Superman.

_Did you get in trouble a lot, and did you get punished? _

No. I never got caught. I wouldn’t say I was particularly unruly; I had nothing to rebel against really, apart from paedophile teachers.

Are these actual paedophile teachers or dramatic constructs?

It kind of goes with the job, doesn’t it, being a paedo?

Did you do music at school?

The music teacher was a bit strange. He had an orange plimsoll called Sebastian that he used to spank us with. He used to run up, like a horse, and smack you across the arse with this plimsoll.

Being at a boys’ school, was there a girls’ school to command your attention?

Of course there was, across the railway tracks…

Did you ever cross the tracks?

We ‘d look at them from across the tracks. That’s all we’d do.