For the longest time, Hayley Williams was scared of All I Wanted.
And truth be told, you can understand why. The closing track of Paramore's third album, the thrillingly mature and addictively catchy Brand New Eyes, released back in 2009, is a real powerhouse, to say the least. From a slow-burning introduction of plucked guitar strings and romantically tinged affirmations, the tension builds and builds before Hayley unleashes a vocal refrain, overflowing with longing and earnestness, that sends the shivers coursing right up your spine.
Such a towering performance is one thing when committed to tape in the safety and security of the vocal booth, in this album's case being the home studio of alternative heavyweight Rob Cavello, taken over by the band for five weeks between January and March of 2009. It's a whole other beast when you are asked to conjure it on stage in front of thousands.
"It would be easier to sing All I Wanted if it was just at one show," Hayley explained during a livestreamed Q&A back in 2013. "Because then I wouldn't have to worry about doing it every night on stage and being consistent. It can be tiring for my voice, I try to take care of it. And All I Wanted is the one that, I can't mess that up. Like if I mess that up, I'll never forgive myself."
It's interesting, even in such short hindsight, to hear her express such adoration and respect for it, because at the time of recording, the track almost didn't even make the cut. Created at a time of change for the band, where so much had occurred both internally and externally, the realities of growing up in the public eye sinking in and expectations at an all-time high following the critical success of 2007's Riot!, there was concern that the song didn't really fit in with what they were attempting to do with Brand New Eyes.
"We’ve been through a lot as a band, and we’ve been through a lot as friends. I was really scared because I didn’t think I would know how to write it all down, and I didn’t know if people would really care," Hayley admitted as part of the official Brand New Eyes documentary. "I knew what I felt, and I knew that I had been through a lot and had a lot to get off my chest, but it seemed kind of impossible at the time."
It's not even a song pulled from any specific incident or feeling, either. Written on what Hayley called, "Just an "emo' kind of day" when she was bored of sitting and writing at home in Franklin, and as her then-boyfriend Chad Gilbert, of New Found Glory fame, was heading out on tour for the first time in a long time, it's a song that's as personal as it is ambiguous. As much about craving that one person as it is the more general feeling of just needing something to hang on to.
"I spent so much time alone in my apartment that I think it started to mess with me and just make me really sad," she told Alternative Press in 2009. "One day, I went to practice, and Taylor [York] was playing this song. It hit me and I just started writing whatever came to mind."
Though it was never destined to be a single, let alone an album focus, as the years passed, the reverence for All I Wanted just kept growing. As new eras unfurled, from 2013's vibrant Paramore through to 2017's colourfully painful After Laughter, setlists changed, but the song never saw the light of day. Fans started asking more about whether or not it would ever get an outing at all; louder and louder the longer the wait went on, with Hayley jokingly saying during one interaction, "The day that I sing All I Wanted, I will probably die the next day. I don’t know why I ever wrote such a stupid vocal line”.
It's a very clear sign of how deeply entangled in Paramore's input their fans have always been. Wanting to give every song its moment, no matter how deep in the discography it may be, it's a sentiment that Hayley still resonates with now, even when it comes to her own solo output, most recently being her new full-length Ego Death at a Bacherette Party.
"It blows my mind every single time that Paramore has put out an album or I’ve put out any music, how invested people get and how it brings something out of them too," she recently told triple j. "It’s one of my favourite parts of making stuff available and sharing it. Because we create a whole different thing together."
Though it was clear that if it All I Wanted was ever going to get its moment, it would be for a very special occasion. One show to end all other shows. A time when as many eyes as possible were pointed towards them, to make sure that pushing the limits in ways Hayley had never attempted on stage before were worth it. And there have been fewer moments with that perfect storm of scenarios than When We Were Young Festival in 2022.
Sandwiched between barnstorming displays from Bring Me The Horizon and My Chemical Romance on the 'Black' stage, Paramore took their place on the 'Pink' stage and opened their set with the track to the surprise of the masses. Though it turns out that even with everything in place to make this a moment, Hayley was still facing a battle.
Speaking to the New Yorker in 2023, she admitted that the particular run of shows in which WWWY was a part of, the band were fighting off a nasty case of COVID in the ranks. "I was, like, 'What am I doing? Why did I say yes to this fucking song?'", she joked. "Aside from the health stuff, it was just weird to be back on the road again. I had some days that were pretty tough."
Yet it was seeing that crowd, and their instant reaction to those opening notes, that pulled her through.
"As soon as we got onstage, I felt so comforted by all those faces," she continues. "Our crowds, thankfully, are super diverse. They really reflect the world that I would love to see. That aspect also made me feel safe. It made me feel like—all right, well, the news sucks, but there are still these beautiful faces, and these people that are getting through things, too. We all just need a release. We need to feel safe together for a moment. That’s what brings me joy."
It's that joy and that comfort that has allowed the song to now take pride and place in many of the band's setlists following that debut. From Bonnaroo in Manchester, Tennessee, to the O2 in London, Hayley has used the love and adoration radiating from the crowds that they conjure to hit those high notes with ease.
It's something that Justin York, longtime touring guitarist from 2010-2022 and brother to guitarist Taylor York, always knew she was able to do. Commenting on footage of the band performing the track alongside Billie Eilish in 2023, he stated, "Told Hayley countless times she could sing that in her sleep…it’s my favourite Paramore song and the one song I never got to perform live with them. I’m just glad it finally found its way to the fans who have been wanting it for so long."
That performance with Billie came to be from a very organic fan moment, too. After Hayley joined her Coachella headline set in 2022 for a run-through of Misery Business and Happier Than Ever, she would later admit on an Instagram Q&A that All I Wanted was her all-time favourite Paramore song. Hayley would then invite her to duet it at the band's huge show at the Forum in LA in July the following year.
"We got a head start on the culture that is the internet now, and the fast-paced life that artists and people are living. If I were Billie Eilish today – and granted she’s on a rocket that’s going so much higher than I would have ever even dreamed for Paramore – if that were me, I would be insane," she told Zane Lowe in 2020. "I am so happy there’s someone like her who has great, really cool family around her."
All of this harks back to how Hayley felt around the writing and recording of All I Wanted. The doubt of whether they were heading in the right direction, the worry of not being able to get the words out right. But now, she's tackled the one thing that she said she was never going to be able to do. And withith that, the opportunity to enjoy every moment as it comes is even more prominent, shared with fans from all parts of their journey.
"I’m excited that we can actually go forward knowing more, or being more than you were before," she remarked to Rolling Stone in 2023. "I’m ready for that, and I feel it. Every day is like, “Gotta be present. Gotta be here.” There’s amazing things happening every single day, whether it’s work or whether it’s just being with my dog and going on a big walk, you know? I need to be here now”.
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