The Hell's Letter To Santa

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DEAR SANTA

HOPE YOU’RE WELL YOU FUCKING LAZY DICKHEAD.

I’VE BEEN REALLY FUCKING GOOD THIS YEAR AND REALLY FUCKING NICE TO EVERYONE SO HERE IS WHAT I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS:

1) ONE OF THOSE “PUNK GOES…” COMPILATIONS. PREFERABLY “PUNK GOES AWAY FOREVER”.

2) A $200 VIP MEET-AND-GREET TICKET UPGRADE FOR SOME TRANSIENT, GARBAGEY HAIRCUT BAND SO I CAN VOMIT ALL OVER THEM.

3) A SPINESHANK REUNION TO PROVE THAT IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW SHIT YOU ARE OR HOW LITTLE PEOPLE CARED THE FIRST TIME ROUND: IN 2014, OLD = GOOD.

4) THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE TO STOP BEING FUCKING SWEATY BELLENDS: DAILY MAIL, RACISTS, SEXISTS, HOMOPHOBES, KEYBOARD PLAYERS, PEOPLE WHO LIKE INSANE CLOWN POSSE, PRETTY MUCH FUCKING EVERYONE ACTUALLY.

5) A DICTIONARY OF SWEAR WORDS FOR ALBUM THREE.

6) BRIEFCASES FOR ALL OF OUR MONEY.

7) NERF GUN.

THANKS SANTA YOU PRICK

NAIL$