Have you ever tried explaining the joy of moshing to someone that doesn’t like metal? It’s like trying to describe the colour blue. It’s pretty lucky then that video game “mad scientist” Sos Sosowski has created a mosh pit simulator for such situations.
While trying to create a virtual reality mosh pit simulator – an invention owners of expensive vases are no doubt terrified of – Sos Sosowski stumbled upon the portal to the underworld full of grey demons that belong deep in the nightmares of serial killers.
Here’s the first attempt. Not only do your hands and arms appear to be made of possessed silly putty, but these grey beings judder along the floor in a way that resembles an antelopes forgetting how to antelope. Admittedly, this is what happens after you listen to Meshuggah for too long.
Now this is more like it! Lots of bodies bashing into each other BUT OH GOD LOOK AT THEIR FACES STOP LOOKING AT THEIR FACES! The contorted mouths, white eyes and hairless physiques look like something has gone hideously wrong in the clone factory and only Keanu Reeves can save the day. Also, look at the guy in front without a jaw! How does he eat? Actually, it’s better we don’t know.
Once the gateway into the black abyss closed, the pits soon started to resemble slam dancing… if the venue was on Cloud 9 and everyone was naked.
Or if they were in a desert, but still naked.
Okay, we’re out.